Word Vomit: First Year Results!

It’s been a while since I’ve opened up to you guys, but honestly, so much has going on it’s difficult to process all of it and put into words.

So as many of you know, or don’t know, I recently finished my first year at Kings College and not all went sour. I passed 6 out 7 modules which is amazing, considering I had 5 weeks to learn 9 months worth of work. not even revise. learn

So yesterday, I re-sat the exam the failed and honestly, I was so unprepared for it I legitimately shut the paper and internally voiced “Goodbye Kings College, it was fun while it lasted” that was how sure I knew I wouldn’t pass.

After the exam, I went out, I was sad obviously, I went shopping for a few things I needed for my holiday, I FaceTimed my friend who had other exams she needed to be studying for and I didn’t feel the stress and the effects of the exam until today.

I woke up. like any other day, I didn’t even have my morning cup of coffee and everything began to sink in.

I started to over think. 

So I took precautions, I thought of the worst possible situation – I would have to resit the first year. Applied to Kent University and ya know.. the whole clearing process etc.

Then all of it sunk it in.

The fear of failing. The fear of disappointing the loved ones around me. The shame. All of those thoughts weighed so heavy on my shoulders.

I broke down. Hard. 

Sobbing, heaving, I have not cried like this in so long because I hate crying in front of other people and I knew this was my one chance, being home alone, to let it all out.

And I did. I was bawling my eyes out and by the end, I was like …

I for sure did not look this good, but that was my mood.

I don’t know when my results are out…

All I do know is that I’m shitting it, preparing of the worst, praying for the best.

 

I don’t know what to say other than, if you’re going through a similar situation or have been through this, what are your words of wisdom? What helped you get through? How did you process all of this and stay composed? 

Let me know !!

Until next time,

Nisha x

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