Why do relationships fail?

Hi everyone,

Hope you’re all well.

Let’s make it clear this is not a click-bait post.

This is me writing about what people fail to see or do in relationships. I’m not a relationship expert but I think I’ve been in one long enough to know why my relationship works. See how I used the word “work” and not “perfect”, because relationships take work, time and effort, so if you’re not ready to not do any one of these three, don’t put yourself in a relationship because you’re only gonna be left heartbroken.

So here are a few points to know before committing yourself to someone.

1. No one can make yourself happy but you.

If you are not happy as a person, best believe your partner will not make you feel that way. You and your partner are two completely individual people, with individual lives and have some similarities and a lot of differences.

So if you enter a relationship with an empty cup thinking your partner will fill it with happiness, joy and love, you’re wrong. You are SHARING your happiness, your love and your joy with your partner, you can’t enter a relationship seeking happiness, joy and love from them because that ends up as a toxic relationship and by the end of it you’ll feel lost, alone and dependent.

2. You have to compromise.

Like I mentioned before, you and your partner are two completely different people with your own lives. Think of a relationship as a Venn diagram.

You may love to stay home, read and have very few friends, whereas your partner may be a social butterfly, loves going out and has multiple groups of friends. (This is my relationship).

So, what I and Joe (my boyfriend) do is a compromise. (that’s the middle of the venn diagram) I’ll go out and hang out with him and his friends and he’ll hang out with my friends, but once or twice a week, we’ll go out, just ourselves, to either lunch or for a coffee or we’ll just stay home and watch Netflix. Here, not only is Joe able to be social but I get to spend time with him and at the same time not only am I able to be home but I’ll also be able to spend time with Joe.

If he goes out to see his friends and I’m not there, Joe will either be on the phone to me before he goes to his friend’s house or makes some time to have a phone call with me when he is at his friend’s house.

By doing all of this we’re making time for each other, we’re communicating well and we are both happy.

Respect your partner, don’t try and dominate them. If you don’t respect them for who they are they’ll know and they’ll want to end the relationship, knowing they can find someone better and understands them.

Help your partner grow into someone better, not into someone else. So, respect their career choice, accept their body, and most of all accept them when they say no.

3. Argue but argue efficiently.

What I mean by arguing efficiently is, argue but argue to find a solution and argue knowing you’ll eventually forgive.

Do not bring up past problems. Do not create arguments based on your own insecurities and definitely do not argue with an ego – admit that you’re wrong if you know you’re in the wrong.

Always apologise to each other and mention why you’re apologising, don’t apologise for the sake of apologising because then it’s meaningless and you’ve learnt nothing from arguing.

4. Breaks.

If you go on a break during an argument, it will not help. You are only avoiding the problem and not solving it. It’s a little bit like pushing dust under the rug, in hopes the problem will solve it’s self when really it won’t. So again, argue but argue efficiently.

5. Trust and reassurance are key.

Trust your partner to be faithful, okay yeah sure, checking their phone randomly every now and then is not the best thing to do but I can understand why you would want to do that. If you don’t trust them, tell your partner and let them explain themselves and you never know, maybe you’re thoughts just got the better of you.

However, if you have trouble with your partner trusting you, reassure them, show them actual evidence that there is nothing to worry about, however, if you have made a mistake or got caught in wrong limelight in the past have some patience and keep reassuring your partner and show them, not by words but with your actions, that you are faithful and committed.

6. Sex doesn’t solve everything

I hope you found this to be helpful,

Lots of Love

Nisha x