I don’t know how to express my feelings.
How do I explain the feeling of “emptiness”? Why am I feeling empty? It’s as if something inside of my chest is hollow and I feel sad? Does the term sad describe this foreign feeling? I think not.
How do I explain this? I’m confused. I’m pushing myself away to see if it’s certain people making me feel this way – nope. One by one, I’m mentally ticking off people inside my head. Nope, not him, not her …
I’ve recently been waking up every morning and I feel disoriented. It’s as if I should be doing something, but I’m not. I have nothing to do. It’s summer. Week after week, it’s been repetitive.
I go to the gym, it’s an amazing form of stress relief and to be honest, I’d rather think about the pain I’m putting myself through physically, instead of mentally bruising myself with these never-ending negative thoughts.
I smile at my reflection – fake it till you make it.
I call him up at 1 am … I cry at 2 am and try to fall asleep at 3 am. I’m pushing away a person that is in love with me. I’m an idiot.
I’m not depressed. I like to believe I’m not.
I have no idea what’s wrong with me, I’m crying about how I, as a person, am falling apart. I can’t hold myself together. There are too many influences, memories and factors that ruin my small delicate bubble of happiness.
What am I doing?
What am I gonna do?
Someone help me.
Another personal excerpt.