I have a complicated relationship with myself, some days I feel good and some days I feel like hiding from the world.
I know I’m not the only one but I have always struggled with accepting myself as a person and being comfortable to be myself. I try every day to be better than I was yesterday. I know progress is not linear, there will be ups and downs with some set backs, but the general trend is to keep moving forward.
I know at the back of my mind, I can’t help but compare myself. I know it’s toxic and it’s worst kind of abuse to yourself, but I can’t help it. I don’t know how to stop – but it’s weird, recently, I haven’t been sulking or upset or jealous instead, I feel inspired, motivated and positive. I mean, if they can do it, why can I not? The only thing that’s stopping me, is myself.
However…. here’s the catch.
I compare myself to unrealistic standards.
For instance, I don’t believe people are as perfect as they portray themselves on Instagram. I don’t believe that people on Facebook are constantly happy in their relationships and I definitely do not believe people’s lives are as amazing as they say on Youtube.
I live by this saying: “Comparison is the thief of joy” – this will always remind me to stay grounded and to believe what I see in real life and not in virtual life.
I have triggers. If I’m completely honest, I get a twinge in my heart whenever I hear my boyfriend say something about another girl. I’m not gonna say I’m jealous. The only way I can explain it is that I can’t be her and I know that but I wish I could have that one aspect of her that my boyfriend admired, I know he’s just complimenting her which is sweet and I know it’s not deep, but I can’t really help but feel that way … it’s odd that I feel that way, I know he loves me, he admires many aspects about me … but why am I like this? I will never know, maybe it’s just my brain.
Next time, you scroll through your Instagram feed, or you’re looking at your ex’s new relationship on Facebook. Remember, don’t compare your life to others because there is no comparison between the sun and the moon. They both shine when it’s their time.